A tiny morsel of raw eel wrapped in a teaspoonful of rice held together with a seaweed bandage.

It may look pretty - but it's not food! Not unless you’re a size zero twiglet and you’re looking for a starter before your main course of sparkling mineral water!

Would you like parasitic worms with that sir? Yes please – and some sides. Let’s try some salmonella, pesticides and a dash of mercury for now. I may come back for a sprinkling of dioxins and typhoid later. Yum.